When Fog Shrouds the Path in Front of Us

Reflections on Change

In This Issue

• Note from Shelley

• Art: Graphic Created in Canva.com

• October Pappus

• Journal Prompt

• Publishing News

• Other News

Note from Shelley

Dear Loyal Reader,

Happy October! I love spooky season. It’s the witch in me, I swear. Plus I feel all nostalgic about trick-or-’treating when I was a kid, the way your breath condensed into droplets on the inside of those plastic masks and the thrill of walking along a gravel road in the dark of night with a bunch of your friends. 

Yes, I grew up on an old, dirt road with no street lights and few neighbors, but we still had a fun time knocking on doors. I adored those little paper bags some people filled with treats, but handfuls of Hersey’s miniatures were fun, too. It’s a fun-hearted—if slightly sinister—holiday. A time to think about full moons and witches’ brooms, soups and stews, grimoires (aka journals and recipe books), candles, classic novels like FRANKENSTEIN and DRACULA, and pumpkin everything. 

No matter the season, the moon is in constant flux, reminding us that life changes every single day. This month’s pappus is a meditation on change, its inevitability, and some coping tools we can use. So grab a mug of coffee, a cup of tea, or glass of apple cider and enjoy this little autumn meditation. 

Thanks, as always, for reading! 

XOXO,

Shelley

Art

I created this graphic on Canva using a premade template and switching out two of the photos and adding my own text. I wanted to evoke “change as travel” with the compass, the shoes, and the woman holding the map. 

October Pappus

I bet if someone asked, “Do you like change?” most of us would answer, “No way. Hate it. Uh-uh.” 

When things change, we feel disoriented. Sometimes we feel confused or sad about a loss or frightened about what’s ahead. Uncertainty creeps up on us, brushing the nape of our necks with cold, damp fingers. Fog shrouds the path in front of us. Anything could be hiding there, waiting to pounce: bears, tigers, evil beings from another dimension.

In times of change, shadows seem to shift in and out of focus, ungraspable. We don’t know what direction to face or whether if each step forward will take us closer to our destination or not. Maybe the path to the destination we seek becomes blocked, forcing us to find another way around. Maybe there’s a marsh up ahead, and we don’t want to get our feet wet or possibly become stuck and sink into the muck. 

All we know is where we’ve been seems safer than where we’re going. When we’ve become accustomed to our environment, life feels more manageable. We already mapped the landscape. We know which pitfalls to avoid and where to find shelter in a storm. We are confident, maybe even complacent. And yes, maybe we are a little stagnant, a little soft, even a little bit bored, but at least we’re safe. 

Then something shifts. Life shakes us out of our stupor. We’ve been numb, and waking up is painful, prickly. Or, feeling bored, we decide to make a change ourselves. We apply for a different job. We move to a new town. We extend an invite to the neighbors who just moved in across the street. We fly off on vacation to some exotic locale. We try a new recipe. We pick up a hobby. We deliberately subject ourselves to the discomfort of change in order to experience life in a wider, deeper way, to be challenged and invigorated, to see the world through fresh eyes. 

As uncomfortable, even excruciating, as change—planned or unplanned—can be, it offers opportunities to grow, learn, and challenge ourselves, to be most fully human and alive.

Because here’s the truth: everything changes whether we like it or not. Change is the nature of life. Like trees whose leaves bud, unfurl, grow fuller to capture the sunlight, change color at the end of summer, and eventually drop to the ground in the fall, every living thing–and every system and organization we humans have come up with–changes. Like the moon, our lives continually wax and wane. Like a stream, life rushes on, constantly in motion.

Stagnation, real stagnation, is either unhealthy or an illusion.

Knowing change is inevitable, the test is how well we navigate the inevitable disruptions, especially the unexpected and unwelcome challenges we don’t initiate ourselves. We’re laid off from our job. Our partner or spouse decides to end the relationship. Our industry evolves too fast or in a direction we don’t like. A natural disaster strikes. Someone we love gets sick or even passes away. These changes rock our world in the worst-feeling kind of ways. We experience anger, disbelief, dread, fear, utter sadness, confusion, and despair. 

And the worst part is, we have no control over these events. We can only control our response to them and do our best to navigate our way through the difficult times. So what can we do in response?

• First, accept that change is happening. Don’t get stuck in denial. Don’t hope for a return to the “old ways” to the point you fail to deal with the new. Try not to wallow in feelings that life isn’t fair. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes we work hard and follow the rules only to find the rules have changed. Open your eyes. See the change. Decide that you will meet it head on and deal with it rather than burrow under the covers and pretend it’s not happening. 

• Learn. One way to deal with the disorientation of change is to orient yourself. Research. Read books and articles.Talk to experts. Have conversations with others going through the same change. Enroll in a class or upgrade your skills. Familiarize yourself with the new territory. Soon, you will see more options for next steps and will feel more confident about the situation and your ability to navigate the new terrain.

• Take stress-relief to the next level. When change happens, our bodies and minds feel stress. This raises cortisol levels leading to a host of downstream reactions. In times of change, exercise, eating healthy foods, meditation, laughter, more sleep, and your favorite books, music, and movies can help you relax and be resilient. 

• Talk to people who support you. This can be friends and family, or you can find a professional therapist, life coach, support group, or counselor. Sometimes just knowing other people care can be a comfort in times of upheaval. You are not alone. 

• Lean into spirituality. If you practice a religion, take comfort in the familiar rituals, guidance of spiritual advisors, and prayer. If you do not practice a particular religion, spend time in nature or listen to music or try some meditation techniques—something that allows you to connect with the universe and/or your highest self. We are all just a part of the vast circle of life, and our problems, though they are painful and seem large, are actually very small in the grand scheme of things. Understanding this can be a relief.

• Brainstorm, plan, and play. You can’t control what happens, but you CAN control your next actions. Reassess. By yourself or with allies, take time to envision your next moves. Give up old goals if they no longer seem feasible. Play around with some new ideas. Create new goals and the steps you’ll take to go toward them. 

• Journal. In addition to talking to people and planning, sometimes it helps to write out all your feelings in a journal or create art that allows you to express the emotions roiling around inside your heart, mind, and soul. Let those emotions out on the page. Write everything you feel, or create a colorful image or series of images illustrating your situation. 

• Remind yourself that change is inevitable, this time of upheaval will pass, and someday you’ll be through it and will be able to look back on this painful time from a more serene place.

I hope these tips give you some hope the next time change comes knockin’ at your door. If you, like me, are going through a transition time in your life and/or career right now, please know you are not alone.

Think about the moon, waxing and waning in the night sky. Think about the autumn leaves changing from deep green to glorious, vibrant colors of amber, sienna, and vermilion. Think about the ocean tides rising and falling, and the rushing water of a stream, ever in flux.

Remember, no change means stagnation, and total stagnation is death. Change, on the other hand, is life. If you are changing, you are alive, even if being alive is painful at this exact moment.

If you can’t see the way ahead, if fog hides the path in front of you, take heart. Be courageous. Learn all you can. Seek wise advice from mentors who have trod this way before you. Move forward one small step at a time. 

Journal Prompt

Write about a time of change in your life. What were the circumstances? What challenged you most as you moved forward? What did you learn from the experience?

Publishing News

My biggest publishing news is that I’ve been invited to write a regular column for a mystery blog, Type M for Murder. I will be posting a column every other Friday, starting October 18! The first topic is one I’ve been pondering and talking about for awhile now: the conflicting desires I have to promote my books while also NOT wanting to be famous or especially visible. (Click on link to go to the blog)

As for work in progress, I’m still futzing around with my Rosalie rewrite. It’s getting clearer, I swear! I don’t know exactly why I’m dithering on this one except I’m moving toward women’s fiction or upmarket fiction genre and want to make sure I’m hitting the mark when it comes to reader expectations.

I love my story. It’s an awesome concept, one I think will resonate with many readers.

I also totally love my main character. Rosalie is fun and a little messed up emotionally and definitely naive. It’s a coming of age story. It’s a social issue story. And there’s a love story in there, too, and even a bit of a mystery regarding another character’s past. My biggest challenge is figuring out what scenes to include and whether or not to go with an omniscient point of view and tell the story from different angles or to stick with Rosalie’s singular perspective. 

Other News

Okay, here’s the biggest news. I’m moving to Guam!

Yes, you read that right. My husband, Craig, was offered a major job in Guam, and we leave in January for a two-year stint on a dot in the middle of the western Pacific ocean. Hence my meditation on change! 

In all honesty, I wanted to move home to Maine this year, but the powers that be didn’t see fit to make that happen, so like so many military families, we two civilians will have all our belongings packed and shipped to a new base far, far from home. It’s going to be an adventure, for sure. We are already planning all the travel to places I never in a million years I imagined I’d visit: the Philippines, Mariana Islands, Japan, and maybe even Korea. Australia isn’t so far away, either. 

Guam is a beautiful island with gorgeous water, beaches, some jungle, and what sounds like delicious cuisine. I’m looking forward to learning more about the Chamorro people, history, and culture. Most of all, I’m planning to write a new series of novellas that’s been on my mind for several years. I’m going to use this change as a chance to widen my perspectives, branch out into a new genre, while continuing to connect with my readers via this newsletter.

Postcards from Guam

Speaking of mail, how would you like to get a postcard from Guam? 

Reply to this email with your name and postal address, and I’ll get you on the list. I’m thinking I’ll send out a batch in February/March. Even if you’ve received something in the snail mail from me in the past, send me a note with your address to make sure I have your info. (It will be fun for me to write to you and think about that card making its way to your post office box or mailbox.)

That’s it for this month, Dear Reader. Be on the lookout the third week of November for the fourth Pink Dandelion. If you are enjoying this, drop me a line and let me know! And send it along to a friend you think might also like getting this letter once a month. I appreciate your support so very much. I really do. Knowing someone is reading what I write makes me happy, and I honestly hope my words help or amuse or let you feel less alone in the world. Because we ARE in the world together in this particular time and space, and that’s pretty cool.

S.